My first official journal entry-esque blog post. I think there might be a way to make a tagging system, and if so I'll have to look in2 that in the tfuture. Today i took my meds and did work for a friend, im working on my personal website. Heres a list of descriptors for how medication makes me feel
- anxious
- productive
- unproductive
- hyperactive
- self conscious
- functional
I like ADHD medication, but sometimes it feels like it worsens what may be bpd that I have. It makes my issues with self doubt and lack of personal self worse. Heres a list of things I did on my ADHD meds today
- Did my friends entire assignment
- doodled in the crevices of my paper
- started working on my site again
- worked on my chickensmoothie trade forum post
- made this site
i feel like i should be doing more, but i dont know how to. I want to clean and work on my assignments, but it seems stressful. I'm taking College classes and it's already difficult, I'm already far behind and am too scared to tell my teacher, because it's on me for sleeping in class :o Here's a list of things that scare me
- being alone
- being abandoned
- being disliked
- my piercings closing
- being sick
- not being sick and being evil
- being evil in general
- change
- stability for too long
- healthy relationships
- myself
- my father
- my thoughts
- being a victim
- being useless
- not being loved
- anger, especially anger from others towards me
- embarassment
- the word "ok" followed by silence
- silence
- undetermined feelings
- casual relatiosnhips
- unreciprocated love
- school
- expectations to hold down a job
- not having money
this is a non extensive list. I cant tell if writing this calmed me down or stressed me out. I keep adding to it. Im a very frightened person. I wish I could be a dog